1. I don’t wake up every day to impress you.
2. The only reason I’m fat is that a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
3. God is really creative, I mean… just look at me.
4. When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m an alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta. No one says I’m fantastic.
5. Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need Money 🙂
6. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
7. I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
8. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
9. When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.
10. I’m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
11. Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
12. The only reason God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
13. When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
14. I don’t always lose my phone but when I do it always on silent.
15. The funniest thing in class is when the teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
16. When your ex-asks if you can still be friends right after a breakup, it’s like having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.
17. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
18. There’s always that one person, who takes a few minutes to get the joke.
19. We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people. 20. ETC – End of Thinking Capacity.
21. I have 2-3 real friends, the rest are just people I socialize with.
22. Marriage is a “workshop”, Where husband ‘works’ and wife ‘shops’.
23. I need Six months of vacation, Twice a year.
24. Time is precious, waste it wisely.
25. Life is Short – Chat Fast!
26. Totally available! Please disturb me!
27. You can never buy Love…But still, you have to pay for it.
28. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
29. Hey, there Whatsapp is using me.
30. Not always “Available” Try your Luck…
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31. My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
32. I’d rather have honest enemies than fake friends.
33. Scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status 😀
34. I believe there should be a better way to start each day… instead of waking up every morning.
35. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.
36. Sometimes you succeed… and other times you learn.
37. When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
38. How is a poor man a lot as a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
39. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
40. I love my job only when I’m on vacation
41. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
42. Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
43. His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
44. Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.
45. Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.
46. Save water drink beer.
47. When everything comes your way. Then you are in the wrong way.
48. 80% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 20% are having a brain.
49. People say you can’t live without love…I think oxygen is more important.
50. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
51. I am not a virgin, My life fucks me every day.
52. Warning! I know KARATE… And few other oriental words.
53. I am so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
54. I love to walk in the fog Because nobody knows I am smoking.
55. If you can’t convince them, Confuse them.
56. When nothing goes right! Go left.
57. If you are gonna be two-faced, Honey at least make one of them pretty!
58. I am always right, Once I thought that I am wrong, But I was wrong.
59. I work for money, for loyalty to hire a dog.
60. When I was born… The devil said, “Oh Shit…! Competition”.
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61. I am not failed……My success is just postponed.
62. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
63. Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
64. Be a good person, but don’t try to prove.
65. Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
66. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
67. Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.
68. I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a Sexy imagination.
69. If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.
70. Silent people have the loudest minds.
71. Born to express not to impress.
72. The road to success is always under construction.
73. I will win, not immediately but definitely.
74. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
75. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
76. The longer the title the less important the job.
77. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
78. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
79. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
80. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
81. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
82. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
83. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
84. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
85. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
86. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
87. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
88. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
89. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
90. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
91. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
92. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
93. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
94. I’m not changed it’s just I grew up and you should try too.
95. I never insult people I only tell them what they are.
96. If you think I am BAD than you’re wrong, I’m the worst.
97. The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.
98. I’m sorry my fault. I forgot you’re an Idiot.
99. I always arrive late at the office but I make it by leaving early.
100. I don’t have bad handwriting, I have my own FONT.